here it is. said i’d finish it and i did. there’s a lot of story to this album but it’s old news. while i love the music i’ve created in this album, the feelings in actuality mean nothing to me. see, i wrote this album when i was convinced i was together with someone who was perfect; a literal goddess. this person convinced me that she was something i absolutely wanted to be a part of in every way.
well as time usually has it, things didn’t work out. i was blamed, with various different stories for what had happened and why it did. i beat the living fuck out of myself for a good amount of time, cut off everything and everyone, stayed alone.
it wasn’t until i had learned what had ACTUALLY happened that i realized how much of a fucking fool i was. fell for the same shit yet again. everything was there from the beginning but i was blinded. she had it all, and it all disintegrated within a split second from my mind.
so you see, i finished most of this is the black time period where i was hurting badly, when i actually felt for this person, and felt for her more than i felt for myself. looking back, i was finishing this for the made up person i fell in love with that never existed at all; a figment of my imagination, a playful idea bouncing between my mind and my heart.
"fake feelings", the title, was intentioned to be a play on what she had said to me - that my feelings seemed fake to her. it’s funny how it worked out because they were fake feelings all along, never meant for her but the made up persona she conjured up for me.
released November 11, 2014
music and artwork by ghostpalmss
all rights reserved